In all honestly this is how I have felt since my last race, the Cheshire Sea Dog 10k....I don't know why exactly. I guess it could be partly due to having a bit of a health scare this past week or so... My mothers' side of the family does not have the best genes for a girl to have, they're a blast to hang around with, but their genes suck. A lot of cancers...yada yada yada. I know it sounds awful I say it like that but it's true and if you really let it weight you down you will become paralyzed. When I was 20...I had a breast cancer scare and had a lump removed that they could 'neither confirm nor deny' was cancerous...but because breast cancer runs in my family no one wanted to take a chance. Thanks Doc for saying I'd barely notice the scar. Prior to that, about 10 years ago this January, my aunt (rest her soul) passed away from colon cancer. The day before she was diagnosed with Colon Cancer that spread to her liver, then spread to her lungs my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma Cancer. My poor, poor Nana (Irish Grandma). I can't imagine what that woman went through....not 1 but 2 of your children are given death sentences.... I'm actually starting to tear up thinking about it now...
I'm going to side-track you for a moment...well...because this is my blog and a I can... hahaha
This woman, Nana Moran, and my Babchi (Polish Grandma, not pictured) are two women whom I will eternally be indebted to for the way I am. They are inspirational, bad ass, women. Nana Moran was famously quoted in our family as saying "The sights you see when you don't have a gun." (Please don't think badly of her, she was just openly honest.) What makes me laugh is she, for her age, was not one bit racist (and never violent), she didn't care who you were, if you were a bad person she wouldn't like you for that, not your skin color. As stubborn and Irish as she was she had a gut feeling about people. I can't count the number of times I went to her and said "Nanaaaaa, Miguel did this/said this...I'm so angry". She would make me Bagel Bites and hot chocolate (with milk) no matter the time of day and tell me things would work out, that he was a good man. I am devastated that she will not be at my Future (as long as he stops dragging his feet) wedding to this "good man".
I was always put on "Nana Watch" at family functions which became more and more fun the closer I got to her. You know those small little Dixie cups children use to rinse their mouths out after brushing their teeth. Well I got them for jello shots and didn't use them all, I gave my Nana Dixie cups of Smirnoff Ice at functions and her and I would sit and laugh and talk. I truly didn't realize how much I would cherish those times with her once she was gone....I guess I thought she would be around forever. I hope I have made her proud...
Okay...before I actually start sobbing....back to my rut.
So the health scare...then this past week at work was the LONGEST WEEK OF MY LIFE.
I did 5 consecutive 12 hour days. I taught lifeguard training plus worked on getting the summer season up and running. Had guards that I was banking on...quit. Unnecessary stress, worth ethic isn't what it used to be. It was just a bad week....thank goodness it is over....I'm only doing 4 days this week (including Sunday) Wednesday is my half day. Thursday and Friday are off <3 Friday I have a 10k in Niantic and then Saturday I have a 5k in Manchester. I am looking forward to both very much. I am hoping that I pulled myself out of this rut...I'm not sure 100% though because my best friend just left to go live in Florida....I already miss her so much but like I have been saying all week...I am very proud of her. She has the guts to go live her dreams and isn't side tracked by anyone. I wish I was more like that.
Okay...so now that I got that off my chest...I hope you could all follow it...I'm sorry if it's a whole lot of rambling....but I will definitely say it explains my Blogger absence.
QOTD: Have you even fallen into a rut...how did you get out?
Oh Meg, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Cancer sucks, I loath it like nothing else. I loved hearing about your Nana! As for being in a rut, absolutely! I'm not sure how I get out of it, I think lots of self-talk, re-focusing, and time usually help.
ReplyDeleteI agree, cancer is vile....and thank you :) She was one of a kind (her and my babchi). I couldn't imagine my life without her. She was amazing.
DeleteAnd thank you, I have trying to focus more on myself and my needs. my 3 days off will really really help I think. <3 thank you for caring :)
You and I must be on the same life wavelength. I just had a 60 hr work week, too, although mine was spread out over 6 days. Really drains you, huh? Your stories about your Nana are touching! In just a bit, I'm actually going to a Relay for Life (American Cancer Society) event to honor two of my grandparents who have passed from cancer. One of the days I missed them the most was my wedding day, but I know they're watching over me. Like you said- if you fall into a rut, you pick yourself, as hard as that may be, and carry on.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh Kim! I'm sorry to hear you had the same stressful, unhealthy, long week. Misery does love company, only when both parties will be done with that misery very soon. Hopefully your week is going better already. That is very sweet about you doing the Relay for Life, we used to do that with my mother. I think we all are ready to forget and move on though. It was the hardest time in my life. It really affected everyone in my family. I'm sorry about your grandparents. :(
DeleteI'm trying to pick myself up and carry on :) thank you for the kind words about my Nana. She was a firecracker. haha It feels good to talk about her.
Meg, I am so sorry you have to feel this :( I can't imagine how much it hurts. I truly hope you have a better week this week!
ReplyDeleteThank you Lauren <3 I don't let it bother me much but I tend to suffer from the 'kick me when I'm down syndrome' so it really knocks me off my path when I have something happen. I am staying positive for this week, we will see :) Thank you for caring, I hope your week goes well too!
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